In the beginning there was ‘Mum’.

So here goes, deep breath, and…… blog away!!

First things first.  I’m Mrs M, Mum to two gorgeous children. Missy B (aged 2) and Mr A (aged 10 months)

I’d like to start by explaining my reasons for starting my own personal blog. Mr A was born prematurely due to a placenta abruption, caused by me having complete placenta praevia during pregnancy. As soon as Mr A was born he was taken to the neonatal intensive care unit where his breathing was supported and stabilised. He also suffered a pneumothorax at 2 days old which set him back. Being told my doctors a few days later that ‘If I hadn’t of been in hospital when the placenta abruption occurred there was a strong chance both myself and Mr A would not of survived due to such massive blood loss.’ Was quite a reality check and the enormity of what we had been through started to dawn on me.  After a 13 day stay, where he was fantastically cared for we were lucky enough to bring out gorgeous little man home. 

Missy B’s birth, 16 months earlier, was also classed as ‘traumatic’ by medical staff. (Long story short, waters break Tues am, Induced Thurs am, Missy B eventually born by emergency c-section Fri am after 2&1/2  hours of pushing, back to back baby, trying to be turned, hormone drip, spinal, forceps, section) phew!! 

The result of Missy B’s birth and Mr A’s sudden traumatic arrival into this world has  resulted in me suffering from post natal depression. Self-diagnosed when Mr A was about 4 weeks old and confirmed by my doctor a few weeks later.

After trying a variety of antidepressants, talking therapies and acupuncture, I am now on some meds which really suit me. My head is less fuzzy and my thoughts are a lot clearer. Then I arrived at the decision to start a blog to share my thoughts, feelings and the ups and downs of my recovery. 

Ever since the first day of my diagnosis I feel I have been ‘recovering’ in some ways, even if it is the teeniest tiniest baby steps they’re all in the right direction. 

I also hope my blog will be able to make others in a similar situation feel that they are not alone, whether it is them with pnd, a family member or close friend going through it. You are not alone.

 Post Natal Depression is such a taboo subject.  It seems to be hidden away from society and something to be ashamed of. When a lot of people suffering from this illness need as much help and support as possible around them, they struggle on quietly by themselves. 

Through my blog I would like to change the perception of this debilitating illness and breakdown social stereotypes surrounding it. Nowadays there is so much pressure to be the ‘perfect mother’. Be well  groomed, have a tidy house, provide home cooked meals, partake in numerous stimulating activities with the children, maintain a career, be prepared for every eventuality, drop the baby weight etc etc. Something I feel is very hard to achieve and maintain. I also feel social media is partly to blame for all of these pressures on new Mums. It’s all too easy to’ log on’ anytime, anywhere and see how every other Mum seems to have all their shit together.

I’m the first to put my hands up and say I am definitely guilty of the above and frequently share photos of myself out and about with Missy B and Mr A having a great time at the park, beach, visiting friends and dare I say partaking in numerous stimulating activities!?!  Because let’s be honest no one wants to see a photo of me un showered for three days, hair not brushed, four day old sick stained jogging bottoms on with who knows what that brown stain is on my fore arm!!!

So if you’re reading my blog expecting intellectual, witty in depth conversations about politics, the economy or current affairs you will be sorely disappointed. What I can promise you though is a brutally honest account of my days and nights (good, bad and ugly.) Sleep deprived, poorly spelt rants and ramblings with occasional appalling grammar and foul language. Through this blog I hope to be able to help, support, guide and inspire others as well as keep motivating myself along the bumpy, twisty, journey that I call ‘Recovery